“Tolerance is the ability or willingness to accept the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with.”
I am often accused, to be bereft of this particular value by family members. It begs the question in my mind. Where do we draw the line for family members? Why do we collectively romanticise the idea that family is always forgivable? Religion certainly doesn’t make it easier. It is always that one ammunition that family members hold dear. They shoot it with religious vim when you have refused to forgive them at a pace they have suggested to you. Forgiveness must be immediate and you must not take into account repentance on their part.
As a person with a deep commitment, and a strong sense of duty to family, being hurt constantly isn’t exactly a thrilling adventure. I define family to be a group of people that have your best interests at heart, and a commitment to thrive collectively. When a person constantly flouts this, my first instinct is to reevaluate their position in my life. This school of thought proves problematic, especially in the Nigerian setting. Nigerians take pride in their longsuffering nature. The measure of love here is often how much hurt you’re able to withstand and remain faithful. If you break along the way, then did you, love? Unwillingness to suffer spells a lack of love and devotion.
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.”
― Woody Allen
Perhaps my love isn’t unconditional, because I choose not to suffer.
